


Every Tear

by RainbowRunway



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Because shes had enough of this shit, F/F, I am sorry Sayo, I love you ok, Jealousy, Love Triangles, Mental Instability, There's this one part, Unrequited Love, Where Sayo goes crazy, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 05:30:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15656739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowRunway/pseuds/RainbowRunway
Summary: Lisa and Yukina love each other. Sayo knows this, but why does it hurt so much?





	Every Tear

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES ON THE CHAPTERED FICS AAA  
> School is killing me (still) and I don't have time to write much anymore. Now I just fill my notebook with random doodles and fic ideas orz  
> I still hope you enjoy, though!
> 
> WARNING: This may contain sensitive themes of mental health, as well as brief mentions of murder and suicide. If you are sensitive to these things, do not read this.

_Pitter. Patter. Pitter. Patter._

The sound of raindrops hitting the window somewhat soothed Sayo. It was one of the rare things that could calm her down.  
It could calm her down, but nothing could take her thoughts away from her feelings.  
Emotions she couldn't fathom. Sayo didn't understand. Love was never a part of her. She wouldn't have time for such mundane things like relationships.  
Yet, she fell into the hole she had avoided for so long. 

Yukina. It was her. The vocalist stirred something in Sayo, and her eyes could never pry away from her elegant form on stage. Even during practice, everything except the sounds of her guitar mixing with Yukina's voice would be drowned out and silenced.  
It was growing to be everything to her. A mentality that all of her music was for Yukina's sake alone. She would do anything to make her music better, all for Yukina. All according to what Yukina wanted.  
Sayo had a hard time accepting it, but it was a fact that was right in front of her. She wanted to confess, oh how she wanted to, but could not bring herself to do so. Besides, would Yukina even care?  
She ignored the signs. She tried to forget it. But it would not disappear. Sayo couldn't take it. She needed it off her chest. After a long consultation with herself, she made the decision to announce this love for Yukina, and Sayo was prepared for her to deny it. Hell, that's actually a good thing, she thought. Knowing that she didn't need to bother with whether Yukina would accept would help her get back to reality. She could be herself again, hardworking, aiming for the top.

The day Sayo meant to confess, she had seen Yukina and Lisa together at the park. They were holding hands. She watched in horror as it escalated into passionate kissing, and further still. The words of "I love you" tossed back and forth between them. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. Her emerald eyes were fixed on them as the two continued with their activities, completely unaware of Sayo's presence. She felt her eyes water, but no matter how much she wiped them off, they kept coming.  
She gave up and had allowed the salty liquid to rush into her eyes and fall onto the ground as tears stained her face. 

Why? Why did Yukina love Lisa and not her? Sayo always knew the two have been the closest of childhood friends, yet with every action they took, the more she watched them, the more her heart ached. She gazed at Lisa. Her clothes were definitely up to date - she really was fashionable. Perhaps that was the reason? Sayo looked down at her own clothes. A long grey cardigan with with black linings and pockets over a simple collared, buttoned white shirt, a copper necklace decorated with circles and diamonds around her neck, as well as a dark blue skirt that reached to her knees. Brown low-heeled boots covered her feet, secured with some ribbon. In contrast, Lisa had a complicated looking outfit and shoes that seemed to glitter in the evening sun.  
It was incredibly plain to her. Was that the reason? Was Lisa just more beautiful? 

Sayo wondered if it was their bonds. The two were friends ever since they were kids. They must have grown incredibly close over the years.   
What about her? Yukina only met Sayo when she first formed a band. It had been a while since then, but it was nothing compared to being friends from childhood.

_"Sayo?"_

A call of her name brought her out of her thoughts and prompted her to turn to the source.  
It was Yukina.  
Her mind went into a frenzy. It rapidly recalled all the times Sayo thought that she made her love obvious, yet Yukina either never caught on or just, like she had predicted, didn't bother.  
A fresh waterfall uncontrollably flowed down. Sayo's expression changed into that of a hurt one. She briefly muttered a few words to herself, caught on her choked sobbing, and attempted to run.  
Yukina's hand on her arm stopped her. She seemed worried.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?"

Lisa had come up beside her, wearing the exact same "concerned" look Yukina had. "If there's anything, you can talk to us."  
That's when the last of Sayo's composure crumbled. Something within her snapped.  
For some reason, Sayo hadn't stopped crying. But she smiled incredulously, like she couldn't believe what she was hearing, and laughed.  
She giggled, then chuckled, then erupted into a burst of laughter so loud and so hard, her voice cracked. If anyone was nearby besides Yukina and Lisa, they would've thought she was insane.  
All while the tears were rushing down.

"What's wrong, you ask...?" Sayo managed to say amongst heavy panting, "Are you for real?"

"Wait, what--"

"Let me tell you something, Minato-san. All this time, I've been in love with you. I always admired you as you sang. I loved everything about you, too, you know that? There's my "problem". There it is. Are you happy now?"

Yukina shook her head. "Sayo. I was serious. I don't have time to joke around with you. There's no way you loved me. Absolutely no way."

"Really, now?" Sayo raised an eyebrow. "You don't believe me?"

"No." Yukina replied flatly. Lisa attempted to step in as she usually did, but it didn't work this time.

"W-wait, Yukina, listen to what she has to-"

"Imai-san." Sayo stopped Lisa. Focusing back on Yukina, she let a sigh escape her lips. "Well, alright. It's a shame, but it's your choice. You can choose not to believe me."

"Sayo..."  
The turquoise-haired girl didn't say anything after that. She was oddly silent. Usually she wasn't like this. 

"Are you really okay?" Lisa sounded more...concerned. Sayo slowly nodded her head. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."  
Something in Lisa told her Sayo was lying, but she brushed it off as it just being her imagination.

Yukina recovered from whatever she was feeling quickly. "Well, would you like to sit and talk then?"

Sayo thought about it. "...Alright, what do you want to talk about?"

"Let's sit over there."

They sat down at a bench. Lisa started with a story of her own.

"You know, the other day, Hina was being all funny in class! She was making these faces, and class got disrupted because of her~ She was telling "boppin'" jokes and doing lots of other things! You should've seen our teacher's face!" Lisa grinned and laughed.

"What happened after that?"

"Ahaha, well, the teacher just gave up and let Hina do her thing, you know?"

As Lisa and Yukina talked, Sayo stopped paying attention, lost in her own world of thoughts.   
Why did Yukina always choose Lisa? Was it their "bonds" as childhood friends? Was it that she wasn't as beautiful as Lisa, not as good looking? Why did they always seem to leave her out of everything? Did they love each other only because they were friends as children? What about morals? Personality? Was that the only reason? Sayo couldn't take it anymore.

Standing, she bowed as politely as she could. She tried not to seem resentful to them, especially to Lisa.

"I-I need to go now. My mother will get upset."

Yukina nodded. "You have a curfew? Alright. See you at practice tomorrow."

Sayo turned on her heels and walked as quickly as she could. After a while, she started running instead, making a beeline for her house as fast as possible.

* * *

No matter how much she thought about it, she can't come to accept it. Maybe Yukina actually loved both her and Lisa? What if she just didn't have time to properly respond when Sayo confessed at the park?  
Carrying her guitar case in her hand, she was still clinging on to that hope as she made her way to practice. She would keep trying. If Yukina really didn't love her...Sayo would have to think of that later.  
Pushing open the doors of the studio room, she already found Yukina inside, doing vocal training. She wasn't sure where her courage to even ask came from, but as soon as she walked in, she strode over to Yukina's side.  
"Minato-san?"

Yukina looked up from her lyrics stand, where she was memorizing the words to their latest song.

"Can I have a moment?"

"What is it?"

 _It's now or never._ "Would you like to go visit the new studio that's recently opened? It's nearby and we could go after practice, if you'd like."

Yukina shook her head. "Sorry, Sayo. Lisa already invited me there, I'm going with her next week."  
There it was again.  _Lisa._ Her name haunted Sayo like a curse, ringing in her head non-stop. Sayo tried not to tear up. She did a little, much to her dismay, but responded like how she should have anyway.

"...I understand. My apologies."

She would try again tomorrow.

* * *

Day after day, attempt after attempt, but it was all for naught. Sayo had tried many things; inviting Yukina out, to her house or to work on the lyrics for their new song together.  
Yukina's answer was the same.

"I plan to do it with Lisa. I'm sorry."

She was tuning her guitar in the studio. She had taken yet another rejection, though Yukina was unaware, every one of them a blow to Sayo's heart. She began to fear it, that she would never, ever be together with Yukina.  
The hope she held on to was fading. Her grip on the edge of the cliff was slipping.   
_Lisa._ The name Sayo was sick of hearing. The name of the girl Yukina chose over her. Horrible thoughts filled her head, ringing loud and clear. 

 _"You're such an idiot, you know that?"_  
_"You know Yukina's dating Lisa. You saw it yourself, yet you continue to hope? Don't bother; only false hope awaits you."_  
_"It's no wonder Yukina chose Lisa over you."_  
_"An idiot, a crybaby, a no-life, a naive girl who tries so hard to reach what? Air?"_

"Shut up..." Sayo breathed. Her heart beat rapidly, trying to cope with the things going on in her mind. The voices did not stop. They seemed to be laughing at her instead, mocking her for her foolishness.  
No one noticed what was going on. Everyone was busy working on their own instruments. They sure were taking their own sweet time.  
Including that girl. Lisa.

 _"Will you continue to ignore it?"_  
_"This pain that never ends?"_  
_"There is a way to stop it."_  
_"I'm sure you already know, right?"_  
_"If you do it, Lisa will..."_

 **"SHUT UP!!!!"**  She screamed out. She had her hands, balled into fists, clutching the sides of her head. She was hunched over her chair, body trembling. The all-too-familiar warmth streamed down her face; she hadn't noticed that the rest of the band were in the studio and now staring at her. Lisa was the first to walk up to her, gripping her shoulders.  
"Sayo, what's wrong? Hey, snap out of it!"  
The voices in her head spoke again. They were like the voices of children, chiding her for being so stupid.

 _"Don't listen to her, my dear Sayo..."_  
_"It's a trap."_  
_"She's the one who's stealing your precious Yukina from you, isn't she?"_  
_"Raise your hand against her - it'll be fun!"_  
_"Don't you wish to see her blood splattered everywhere?"_  
_"Do you want to kill her?"_  
_"You have the power to do so."_  
_"Make your decision..."_

 **"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"** She shook her head violently, swaying about. The 4 other members of Roselia were now crowded around her, worriedly trying to help her.

"Sayo, calm down!!" Lisa's voice was growing louder and more anxious with every second that passed. Even Yukina seemed shaken, but she was still unaware of the impact of her words that accumulated from each time Yukina turned down Sayo's weak attempts to spend time together.

 **"I WON'T EVER LISTEN TO YOU! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!!"** She shouted with increasing volume and fierceness. Lisa somehow wasn't upset by this, as if she knew that Sayo wasn't talking to her.  
It wouldn't stop. It felt like Sayo was falling deeper into a bottomless pit that held nothing but darkness in it. The voices didn't go away. They continued to reprimand her, their tones dripping with disappointment.

 _"You're no fun..."_  
_"What's the point if you refuse to do either one of the things we have suggested?"_  
_"This is for your own good."_  
_"Oh, well."  
_ _"Sleep."_

Time seemed to slow down as Sayo felt her eyes slowly closing. She was losing consciousness.   
And she wasn't sure if she'd wake up.  
Leave it to fate, she supposed. The last thing she heard were the voices of her bandmates before all was black.

* * *

"What am I-?"

She was floating. Was she underwater? She could hear faint voices, but wasn't able to confirm which belonged to who.  
All she knew at this point was that she was still unconscious, and this was her alone with her subconscious. She hadn't expected it to be in water of all places - it was dark, gloomy and there were no signs of marine life anywhere.  
It truly was just her.  
A few voices particularly stood out to her. It sounded like they were talking directly to her. She gritted her teeth upon realizing they were the very same ones playing in her head over and over.

_"Why won't you listen to me?"_

Sayo sighed. "The ideas you came up with were awful. Sure, I know I'm falling into a pit of insanity because of my love for Minato-san, and I know that I am because I can hear you and talk to you, but horrible things could happen."  
The voice was clearly annoyed. 

_"Alright, fine. Why do you keep trying?"  
"You know it already. You've seen it. You'll never have Yukina. So why bother?"_

A sad smile crept onto her face.  
"Well, I thought that maybe it was a mistake - that maybe Minato-san also loved me too. But as you said...she clearly prefers Imai-san over me. Whether she rejected everything I invited her to, saying she either planned to do it with Imai-san or preferred to, whether it was intentional or not - I know now. Perhaps I should just give up, huh?" She laughed to herself at her own stupidity.  
"What was I doing this whole time...? I'm such a fool." She watched the bubbles rise into the nonexistent surface and into the distance.

 _"...So you finally understand?"  
_ _"Oh, it's time for you to get up. I must go now. Goodbye."_

* * *

White was all she saw. Sayo wondered if this was a dream. She pushed herself up and looked around, seeing that she was in a hospital room. Everything was neat and clean, while the sky shined a bright blue outside.  
It was beautiful. Too bad she couldn't go out and take in the scenery. She laid back down and blinked as the door opened. In came Roselia, excluding her, of course. Ako held a small bouquet, while Rinko brought her guitar in its case. Lisa and Yukina were, as Sayo expected, holding hands. They made their way to her.

"Sayo-san! Thank goodness you're okay!" Ako handed Sayo the bouquet. "We were...really worried."

"Ah...Hikawa-san. I've brought your guitar." Rinko placed the case carefully next to the bed. Sayo smiled as she took the bundle of pretty flowers gratefully.

"Thank you, Shirokane-san. You too, Udagawa-san."

The other two walked over to Sayo's bedside. 

"Sayo. You must take better care of your health if you are to continue playing in the band. Also..." Yukina seemed afraid to say whatever she needed to say. "I'm sorry if I hurt you by turning down all your requests. I wasn't thinking about how you felt. I apologize."

The apology struck a bitter chord in Sayo, but she ignored it and smiled anyway. "It's okay, Minato-san. After all...I've accepted it."

"Accepted?"

Sayo looked to Lisa. "Yeah. I've finally come to accept the fact that in the end, I guess I'm just not meant to be with Minato-san." She laughed to herself sadly. "You two love each other, and no matter what I do, I'll can't ever change that. Imai-san, please take care of her, okay?"

Lisa had a regretful expression on her face. "...I will. I'm also sorry, Sayo. I really am."

"It's alright." Before Sayo could say any more, a nurse came in, holding a box of pills. 

"Miss, here are your pills. You'll need to take these according to this paper here."

Sayo thanked the nurse. "If I may ask...what happened to me?" She placed a hand to her forehead. "I don't remember at all."

"You passed out. According to the story your friends here who brought you to this hospital told us, you seem to have a case of mental instability. These pills are to help you cope and keep you stable as long as possible, as well as to hopefully recover."  
She winced at the thought. "Ah, well, that is unfortunate. Thank you very much." The nurse bowed as she left, prompting Sayo's attention to shift back to her bandmates.

"Thank you all as well for taking me here." 

They talked with each other until night came. When it was time for them to leave, Yukina promised they'd visit the next day as they shut the door behind them, leaving Sayo alone with her thoughts again.

It would definitely take Sayo a long time to fully stop feeling any form of resentment towards both Lisa and Yukina.  
She knew how painful unrequited love was. She hoped she could move on, in order to get on with her life. In this time at the hospital, she made it a point to recover and spend some quality time with them.

Sayo looked out the window again, but this time it showed the night sky full of stars.   
She smiled. They sure were beautiful.  
And she knew that one day, she would be able to forgive the two and play with everyone once more, like how it used to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit that was tough to write  
> And it's the longest oneshot I've ever written WOO
> 
> Thanks for reading! As always, kudos, critiques and whatnot are welcome and appreciated!


End file.
